The Galaxy is Not Enough
by AshtakRa
Summary: A Carson Beckett adventure. If the Brits were in charge of the Stargate program, would Atlantis be the same and how exactly would the offworld missions be conducted? Is it a prerequisite for a Scotsman to be their number one agent? Did someone say 00


**The Galaxy is not Enough: a Carson Beckett adventure**

_**By AshtakRa**_

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Genre: Humour/Adventure

Characters: Most of them, mainly Dr Beckett

Setting: Some kind of AU, prior to his untimely exit in Season Three

Summary: What if the Brits were in charge of the Stargate program, would Atlantis be the same and how exactly would the off-world missions be conducted? Is it a prerequisite for a Scotsman to be their number one agent? Did someone say 007?

Introduction

The man clad in black ran down the ramp, the horde of militia racing after him brandishing crude yet effective firearms but they weren't using them, why?

They believed they had him trapped, he may have stolen their most valuable treasure but there was no way he was getting off the mountain. At the end of the ramp was a sheer drop of several hundred meters.

The thief halted at the edge and peered down, there was nothing but ocean all the way to the horizon, with several dozen pleasure craft just small fuzzy dots on the blue expanse. The militia pulled up as well and their leader swaggered forward, chuckling at the thief's predicament, "Not so clever now Mr Beckett, perhaps your people will agree to our price now they have learnt such criminal actions are futile."

The thief smirked, "The only lesson learnt today," he said in his strange accent as he backed up to the edge, "Is that you people should really think about installing some new locks." With that he fell backwards with not a sound and the militia rushed forward, more concerned that their treasure would be lost to the ocean than if he was making an actual escape.

After falling for a few seconds he activated the anti-grav pack and Beckett started sailing down quite safely, a few militias took some shots but the distance was too far – the now successful thief waved derisively at them and used the wrist controls to direct his descent.

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The scantily clad woman watched from her boat as the strange object moved across the sky, as it got closer she made out the form of a man and her skin flushed in excitement, due to a recent Wraith cull men were so hard to find.

With unerring accuracy he touched down on the boat and deactivated the pack, as the woman held her heaving chest in wonder he placed a large crystalline object to the side and with a wink in her direction he touched his ear, "Prize is recovered, pick-up in half," he hesitated and took note of the woman's giggle at his wink,"In one hour."

As another woman emerged from below dressed only in a see-through slip and carrying drinks Beckett again touched his ear, "Better make that two hours".

_Roll Atlantis intro sequence but instead the music is in the form of a ballad instrumental and there are lots of shots of various characters in silhouette firing weapons that just leave a puff of inky smoke, add in voluptuous female silhouettes caressing oversized MP60s and Wraith stun weapons. Wraith silhouettes can be seen flicking their wraithlocks around and daintily running through stargates and along the top of wraithdarts. Also the silhouette of Carson Beckett, in a tuxedo with a small hand-gun as he chases down and shoots all the bad guys. All against the back drop of Atlantis but in kaleidoscope vision so that we are seeing dozens of Atlantis' instead of one._

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Chapter One

Beckett waltzed into command and gave his most dazzling smile to M's assistant, "Elizabeth, a gift from MGM-867", he said and handed her a piece of fruit that was suspiciously phallic in nature.

As Weir tentatively held the strange fruit she raised an eyebrow, "Carson", she said demurely, "As I recall MGM-867 is terribly short of such things, I hope you _paid_ the right price?"

"Oh you know me Elizabeth, the bargaining was a bit of a marathon – but in the end I got two for the price of one," answered Beckett as he sat on the corner of her desk and tried to read whatever report she was working on.

Elizabeth snapped the folder shut, "I hope your eyes weren't two big for your… appetite Carson, while you have good endurance I have noticed you never seem to be in it for the _long_ haul".

As Beckett chuckled the intercom buzzed and M's voice bellowed out, "Yes thank-you Miss Weir, we've had quite enough innuendo for this millennium – Beckett! IN HERE NOW!"

A click signalled M had cut the line, Elizabeth raised an eyebrow again, "I'm sure he just wants to thank-you personally, you did manage a fully powered ZPM – very impressive."

"Oh, it was nothing, really," said Beckett, standing up and adjusting his uniform.

"He doesn't seem to think so."

Beckett paused with his hand on the touch panel, "I suppose a drink is not out of the question?"

"I supplied liquor for four."

"Who are the other two?"

"Oh there are no other two", said Elizabeth primly and took a bight out of the top of the fruit, Beckett winced at the sight and entered M's office.

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Dr Rodney McKay did not stand as Beckett entered; after all, he was Becket's superior – in every way in his own heightened opinion of himself. Graduating top of his class in every single subject had not been enough for McKay, and thanks to his father being British he was able to enter the foreign ministry in London and work his way to the top. So when the chance to head this expedition had arisen Rodney had not hesitated, after all who else could do a better job than him?

"Miss Weir!" he bellowed, "See that we're not disturbed".

The two men faced each other for a moment before M sighed heavily, "You're late Beckett, slept well did we?"

His sarcasm was wasted as Beckett replied with an evil smirk, "A little restless but I got off eventually."

M snorted derisively, "I bet, I sent you to assess the situation – two days later the negotiating team returns empty handed and you manage to upset the entire population of a planet."

"They were never going to sell us the ZPM", Beckett looked around for the liquor and spotted it on the side table, he licked his lips in anticipation but at the look on M's face he decided to wait, "And the _entire _population? Really sir – you know me better than that."

"Fine – the entire _male_ population, whatever, so you got it – we have a ZPM, fully powered?"

"We do", Beckett started moving towards the liquor, it had been a gruelling mission and he really needed the drink but M stopped him once again.

"And special agent Teyla?"

Beckett winced, "Ahh yes, the beautiful Miss Emmagan – I thought that might become a bit of a sticking point."

Another snort erupted from M, "You think? She's claiming you locked them in a puddle-jumper and purposely damaged life-support so you would have to share body heat."

Beckett looked hurt, "Really M, you think that less of me – ".

"Yes – but we'll deal with that later, right now we have another problem – something only a double O can handle".

Beckett finally managed to pour a drink and raised it to his lips, "And you thought of me, how kind."

"Lack of options Beckett, you're the only double O in the Pegasus galaxy so you can forget the ego trip."

"The galaxy is not enough?", said Beckett smugly and downed the drink.

_Infirmary_

_Dr Beckett lies in a bed connected to a myriad of monitors; he is surrounded by his colleagues_

_McKay splutters as he looks up at Sheppard and Weir, "Did you hear that? Three days in a coma and his first words are 'mmm whisky' – I knew it; our good doctor is an alcoholic'._

-Beckett 007 will return in _The Wraith with the Golden Gun…_maybe.


End file.
